Severus Snape Master Chef
by barbi-bee
Summary: My answer to the WIKTT Snape in Drag challenge. Severus and Hermione find themselves working on the same small island as a Chef and Nanny respectively.
1. New Jobs

Severus Snape - Master Chef  
  
By Barbi Bee  
  
A/n 1: the characters are not mine they are merely borrowed  
  
A/n 2: this story is in answer to a WIKTT challenge to have Severus Snape dressed in drag (women's clothing)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Having suffered both mentally and physically doing the years of Voldemort's tyranny, Severus had been ordered to take a year-long sabbatical now that he had been finally overthrown. Doing nothing didn't feel right to the Potions Master, but knowing Albus' reaction should he try to get a job in the wizarding world he instead perused the muggle job vacancies. Finding one for a Sous Chef on the island of Tresco he sent in his application.  
  
The job was from the end of February til the end of October which suited Severus as it would give him a chance to heal physically before taking up the position (presuming he got it). It would also allow him the opportunity to once again take up his first career choice. A choice that had been ripped away by his father the night he forced Severus to take the Dark Mark.  
  
The reply came two weeks later asking Severus to come to London for an interview with the Personnel Manager Gill Knight, with the successful applicant expected to be appear for duty the following month. Accomodation would be provided at a cost of £50 a week, and a wage paid at the rate of £6.35 an hour. With an expected working week of 60 hours or more it meant an average wage of around £330 per week before tax which wasn't bad when you considered he was making about half that teaching at Hogwarts.  
  
Severus was given the job and was soon on his way to the picturesque island, where he would spend the next seven months indulging in his one true love, creating culinary masterpieces.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hermione Granger now in her second year at Oxford University checked the help wanted ads and came across one as a Nanny/General Assistant on Tresco, one of the Scilly Isles off the coast of Cornwall. The job would last until September which tied in with the school year and seemed to be perfect for her needs. Checking to make sure her CV was up-to-date, she faxed her application to the Personnel office on the island.  
  
With her application having been successful, Hermione packed her bags in preparation for her return to the island she had spent so many happy years on as a child. She was a native to the the island having been born there during the ten years her parents had worked there. When her magical abilities had started revealing themselves at the age of seven her parents had felt it best to leave the small community they lived in and move to a place where their daughter's differences could be more easily overlooked.  
  
And so on the 15th June Hermione returned to the place of her birth, to work for the Lord of the island and his family. She travelled across from the mainland by ferry, savouring every moment of the trip and remembering details of her previous life as though seeing them in a pensieve.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Near the end of her stay on the island, Hermione was taking her early morning dip in the ocean when she noticed some very weird characters further down the beach. She carefully and quietly removed her wand from the charm bracelet she kept it on and enlarged it. She then started to approach the men, only to stop abruptly when she recognised some of them as escaped Death-Eaters. Casting an invisibility charm on herself she moved close enough to see what they were doing but kept far enough away not to be in immediate danger.  
  
Her plans changed when she realised they were beating the very life out of some poor soul. She threw some hexes at the Death-Eaters before apparating quickly into their midst, grabbing their victim and disapparating out again. Reappearing in her quarters back at the Abbey, she laid her companion on the bed and took a look a him. She was shocked to recognise the man as her former nemesis and potions master.  
  
Seeing the time she cast a few healing spells on him, dosed him with a sleeping draught and dissappeared into the bathroom to change. Returning to the bedroom she did a final check of the man before going to work.  
  
Returning to her quarters that afternoon she found the professor awake and reasonably alert. Understandably weary of the situation he found himself in, he was relieved to see Hermione come through the door.He wasn't really sure where he was or what her role in things was though.  
  
"Miss Granger, might I enquire as to where we are?"  
  
"On the Island of Tresco, specifically my quarters in the Abbey."  
  
"Your - quarters?"  
  
"Yes Professor, I'm employed here as a Nanny/General Assistant. But why are you here, if I might be so bold as to ask?"  
  
"Like you I work here on the island, as a Sous Chef at the Hotel."  
  
"A Chef.... Sorry it's just that.."  
  
"You can't imagine your greasy git Potions master cooking?"  
  
"Something like that. But I suppose the two professions aren't that far apart, are they?"  
  
"No, they're not. But as it happens, during my tenure at Hogwart I have also - unofficially that is - served as Head Chef. Which means that most of the food you ate during your stay there was either prepeared by me or under my supervision."  
  
Stunned by this revelation Hermione collapsed on the bed next to Severus. Looking at him in a whole new light she asked him what had happened that morning. He told her that he had been taken from his rooms at the Hotel by Lucius and Pettigrew in order to be taught a lesson for betraying The Dark Lord. The lesson supposedly ending in his death after suffering excrutiating pain from both a physical beating and a number of hexes cast upon his person. Thankfully Hermione had arrived before they could do much more than inflict a few bruises.  
  
As it was unlikely that they would just forget about him, Severus told Hermione that he would have to find an unobtrusive way to leave the island. Pondering the situation for a few moments, Hermione got a big grin on her face. A grin that worried Severus, as well it should, because Hermione's plan was to disguise Severus as - wait for it, A WOMAN. Understandably Severus was not at all partial to the idea but did accept the fact that it had merit and finally gave in with the proviso that he did so under duress.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
That evening Hermione explained the situation to her employer, and as he was well aware of her unique abilities agreed to go along with her plan. Thus it became known that Hermione's Aunt Sophie had joined her on the island following the death of her husband. An old fashioned woman she wore mourning black and completed the outfit with a veiled hat on those occasions she ventured out of Hermione's quarters. As for the missing Sous Chef, the police search revealed that blood and body tissue had been found on the rocks by the beach. This information along with the knowledge that some skinheads had been seen in the vicinity lead police to believe that the Chef - a man by the name of Severus Snape - had been murdered and his body dumped at sea.   
  
to be continued  
  
Job Explainer: Sous Chef   
  
"Sous chef in French literally means "under chef." Sous chefs work under the head chef in the kitchen. . . I work from 12 to 14 hours per day, six days a week. I look over the cooks. I check to see if they're heading in the right direction, if anything needs to be done. . . I make sure everyone's on at the right time. I keep things moving. We are preparing a lot of food every night. We have to be moving all the time." 


	2. Aunt Sophie'

Severus Snape - Master Chef  
  
by Barbi Bee  
  
A/n 1: the characters are not mine they are merely borrowed  
  
A/n 2: this story is in answer to a WIKTT challenge to have Severus Snape dressed in drag (women's clothing)  
  
A/n 3: to otherside2 - I was thinking more of cash in hand, because at Hogwarts he has permanent accomodation, meals, quite possibly robes etc all provided for him free of charge.  
  
to JennyRad - thanks for your comments, I've only been writing since December so all constructive criticism is gratefully received, because how else will I improve.  
  
to Caoilte - The nose needed to be hidden somehow and what better way than a black mourning veil, besides Severus would never willingly wear anything but black.  
  
to Imhilien - thanks mate, cheers.  
  
to Betz - thanks for the review and I'll do as you ask.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Having 'Aunt Sophie' staying with her, meant that Hermione had to move from her one-bedroom flat to a two-bedroom flat because naturally it wouldn't be quite right for them to share a room. 'Aunt Sophie' also helped out in the Abbey gift shop from time-to-time to offset the extra accomodation costs now incurred for the larger flat.  
  
With only had one more day before they were due to leave Tresco and knowing it would be difficult to travel under their own names, Hermione and Severus decided to use aliases. Figuring it to be an easy way of finding new names, Hermione logged on to the net and went to the Barrow-Downs web-site, from there she went to 'The Middle-earth Name Generator' page and entered her full name of 'Hermione Elizabeth Granger' and Severus' full name of 'Severus Alexander Snape'. Printing the results so that they could study them at leisure she was surprised to hear Severus laughing behind her. Wondering what was so funny she too started laughing when he pointed to what the Red Book of Westmarch said about them, apparently Severus was a 'World Famous Took' while she was an 'Amorous Warg'.  
  
After much debate over which names to use they eventually settled on their female Hobbit names, and so Hermione would become Primrose Greenhand while Severus would be known as Linda Millbanks. Deciding to celebrate with a 'Farewell to Tresco' drink at 'The New Inn' they got dressed up, at least Hermione did. Severus insisted on wearing his widow's weeds with the addition of a little make-up (applied by Hermione) and some pearls looped loosely around his neck.  
  
Once at 'The New Inn' the made their way to the Beer Garden to enjoy the late summer sun. They ordered a bottle of Champagne, a plate of garlic bread and settled down at one of the tables provided. As the sun began to set, they heard a commotion in the Main Bar as a drunk patron was asked to leave. Another patron, also slightly under the weather, entered the Beer Garden and after looking around approached their table. Thinking he was going to make some kind of obscene suggestion, Hermione prepared herself to repulse the man. She was therefore somewhat startled to recognise the man as Lucius Malfoy and rather amused when he approached 'Aunt Sophie' and whispered something in her ear. 'Aunt Sophie' retaliated by smacking him in the face with her handbag and telling him - in no uncertain terms - that she was Not that kind of woman, thankyou very much.   
  
After receiving apologies from the Inn manager, Hermione and Severus returned to the Abbey. Once in their rooms Hermione dissolved into a fit of giggles, in reply to Severus' question as to the cause of her mirth she said "Do you remember when I was in third year. Remus Lupin taught DADA and we had a lesson on Boggarts?"  
  
"Are you by any remote chance referring to the time when Mr Longbottom's Boggart turned into a cross between myself and his Grandmother?"  
  
"Yes. The incident with Mr Malfoy tonight reminded me of it. Seeing you wield that handbag like a pro and then telling him off like that, it was just too much. It really was."  
  
"It was rather amusing wasn't it, but unless you want Gryffindor to mysteriously lose points for no apparent reason over the next five years I suggest you keep the information to yourself."  
  
"You wouldn't?"  
  
"Try it and found out."  
  
"Second thoughts, you probably would. Well, Goodnight Aunt Sophie." she said giving him a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Cheeky little devil aren't you?" he replied as he returned her kiss not on the cheek but quite firmly on the mouth. He then wiped the smudged lipstick off her face and grinning to himself went to his room.  
  
They left the island the next day after a flurry of goodbyes from new friends and a few old ones who had known Hermione's parents. Leaving from the Island's Heliport they flew to Penzance to begin the next part of their adventure together.  
  
To be Continued 


	3. From Penzance to Exeter

Severus Snape - Master Chef  
  
by Barbi Bee  
  
A/n 1: the characters are not mine they are merely borrowed  
  
A/n 2: this story is in answer to a WIKTT challenge to have Severus Snape dressed in drag (women's clothing)  
  
A/n 3: completed challege rules to date [with explanation]  
  
1) Severus must cross dress in the fic (Make up is optional, though extra points awarded is used well - see extras section). For reasons of traveling in disguise when doing business for the Order, because he likes the feel of lace and satin against his skin, for both reasons or different reasons all together. Your call, there must be a reason why  
  
he does it, whether he likes it or not.[Avoiding DEs on the rampage]  
  
2) Hermione must discover Severus' secret. [He's a closet Chef]  
  
4) Their first kiss must be shared while he is in drag, extra points is he's wearing lipstick.  
  
5) A very drunk/oblivious Lucius tries to pick up on Severus while he's in drag in a bar (Leaky Cauldron, Three Broomsticks or other bar).   
  
6) A reference to Sirius as a crossdressing glam rocker during Marauder-Hogwarts days.[Rocky Horror - Frank'N Furter]  
  
9) Must be after Hermione graduates Hogwarts.   
  
10) Severus is heterosexual (sorry slash fans, I like my Severus het.)  
  
11) Severus' nose cannot be changed, he must remain hook nosed. Potions or charms cannot hide/change it.  
  
12) Hermione makes a reference to Neville's boggart Snape in drag.  
  
13) Any rating G through NC-17, though I prefer R and NC-17 stories, but an R or NC-17 story does not guarantee the "best" story.  
  
14) One shots or multi-chapter stories welcome.  
  
15) If you have already written a cross dressing fic, you can tweak it (or not) and submit it for the challenge.   
  
Optional:  
  
3) Voldemort can be alive or dead.  
  
4) Virginity: either both are or both aren't virgins.[Rocky Horror Picture Show Virgins, that is]  
  
Extra Points:  
  
1) As mentioned, Severus wearing make-up.  
  
2) Also mentioned before, Severus' lipstick smeared during first kiss with Hermione.  
  
4) The use of Opera length strand of pearls.  
  
9) Reference to Dame Edna by a character or through narration, doesn't matter.[Danny La Rue substituted instead with kind permission from Betz]  
  
A/n 4: to Lama - insane is what I call it too.  
  
to Imhilien and Caoilte - Severus looked like a recent widow and Lucius thought he might be in with a chance  
  
  
  
This chapter is for Imhilien and Margaret Read  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Shortly after Hermione and Severus arrived in Penzance, Hermione made a phone call to her Great-Uncle Daniel in London. She very quickly explained Severus' situation and asked if he could meet them in Plymouth in two days time. Daniel agreed and said he would arrange to have them picked up at the bus station when they arrived.  
  
Hermione and Severus then found a small Motel to stay in for the next two nights, while they sorted out both their finances and future plans. Not having a great deal of money, things were going to be tight unless they got temping jobs along the way. This was mainly because Severus' money from his time on Tresco had been placed in Escrow due to his 'death' and Hermione had only managed to save just over £1200 during her ten week stint.   
  
Having bought a map from reception, the pair decided to make London their first major destination, working their way slowly along the coast in order to get there without being noticed. Plymouth was to be their first stop followed by Exeter, Bournemouth, Southhampton and finally London. They planned to stay in each place no longer than a week, unless circumstances forced them to change their plans, arriving in London around the middle of October.   
  
With travels plans having been made, the next thing on the list was documentation. Using her wand, Hermione created Driver's Licences, Passports and NHS Insurance Cards under the names of Linda Millbanks and Primrose Greenhand, (Hermione needing to do the transfigurations because Severus' wand had been broken in the fight with Lucius and Wormtail). While she was doing this, Hermione mentally thanked her New Zealand penfriend, Nicolette, for introducing her to the Barrow-Downs website. Nicolette, a fanfiction writer, having acquired her pen-name of Imhilien from the site had proceeded to mention it to Hermione in one of her letters.  
  
Arriving in Plymouth they were met by Daniels chaffeur and limosine, to be whisked off to one of Plymouth's finest hotels where Daniel was waiting for them. When the introductions were first made Severus couldn't help but wonder just how this sophisticated older English gentleman could be of any help, other than providing much needed funds. When he uttered these words aloud though Hermione and Daniel both laughed.  
  
"I'm sorry Severus, I guess I didn't introduce Uncle Daniel properly. May I introduce Mr Danny La Rue - Female Impersonator."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Well I guess you're not one of my many fans then, are you."  
  
"Sorry, no."  
  
Hermione whispered something in Daniel's ear and he dissapeared into one of the suites bedrooms. While he was doing whatever it was he was doing, Hermione and Severus explored the rest of the suite. Two bedrooms, bathroom, lounge and dinette it was well appointed and quite luxurious. After some twenty minutes Daniel reappeared or rather a stunning woman in her fifties appeared in his stead, seeing the change Severus was quite flabergasted and now knew exactly how Uncle Daniel could help.  
  
The next day the two men went shopping for "Linda's" new wardrobe. Day wear, evening wear, night wear, leisure wear and underwear were all on the list of things to buy and the two men had loads of fun doing so. After the clothes were bought it was off to find shoes , make-up and a good hairdresser/beauty salon. By the time they returned to the hotel that evening they were both exhausted but exhilirated with all they had achieved. Hermione was in for a shock when she was presented with the new "Linda Millbanks", a woman in her early thirties with a figure that any woman would be proud to own, and all done without magic (wizarding variety, that is). Uncle Daniel had proved once again that he truly was a Master (or Mistress) of his craft.   
  
Spending the week with "Linda and Primrose" Daniel instructed them in the finer arts of being a Lady. Things such as how to sit, how to eat, how to hold ones silver and glassware, how to drink, how to dance, how to walk and even how to run, should the occasion render it necessary. All things a young lady of quality would have learnt at finishing school and then some. He also taught "Linda" how to deal with Masculine issues without making them obvious, using the Ladies Powder room instead of the Gentleman's for example, supressing and/or dealing with one's baser instincts ,so to speak, as an erection while wearing an evening gown did absolutely nothing for the cut of the dress and would also give the game away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When the week was up the three of them traveled to Exeter together where Daniel left them at a mid-range Hotel and also gave them £10000 to tide them over, before returning to London where he had a performance to prepare for. Now that the need to find work was not quite so pressing, Hermione and Severus decided to take a look around town. A poster outside a local theatre advertised a midnight screening of the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' and Severus insisted they return for the performance, first though they had to do some shopping as they did not want to be seen as virgins. Hermione was somewhat puzzled by that remark as she didn't see what her sex-life or lack thereof had to do with seeing a movie.   
  
"You are a virgin, aren't you?"  
  
"That is absolutely none of your business and I'll thank you to change the subject."  
  
"No need to get testy. I meant a Rocky Horror virgin - someone who's never seen the show."  
  
"Oh. Well why didn't you say so in the first place then, instead of letting me make a fool of myself? So we need confetti, water pistols, newspaper and what else?"  
  
"You lying little Gryffindor, you're not a virgin are you?"  
  
"Nope. Saw my first show with Harry,Ron and the other Gryffs the week after we graduated, and have been at least twice a year since then. What's your history?"  
  
"Lily Evans introduced us to the show when we were in sixth year. Can you imagine me, the Marauders and our lovely 'Mudblood' all getting dressed up to go see it?"  
  
"Not really, but why did you call Lily a mudblood? Its very rude and I for one hate the name."  
  
"It was my nickname for her, stopped the wrong people thinking we might be friends. Because we were, all six of us."  
  
"What about that incident with the Whomping Willow?"  
  
"Real enough. Sirius ended up on the wrong side of the marauders after that and realised he'd have to change his ways. Lily persuaded me to give them a chance and I never regretted it, not til the night she died anyway."  
  
"Ok. So what sort of costumes did you used to wear?"  
  
"Lily and I usually dressed as tarty French Maids, Wormtail as Igor, Prongs and Moony as Brad and Janet and Padfoot as Frank'n Furter himself in the Bustier and Fishnets."  
  
"You haven'y got any pictures have you, because I would love to send one to Harry - he'd get a real kick out of it."  
  
"I'm not sure, they'll be back at Hogwarts if I do. Remus would probably be your best bet though as he was our unofficial photographer at the time."  
  
"Like Colin Creevy you mean?"  
  
"Nowhere near as bad as that. Just shots when we went out, that kind of thing."   
  
Their shopping completed, they returned to their Hotel to sort out their costumes for the night's entertainment. As Severus and Lily had done many years earlier the pair were going to go as slutty french maids. Low-cut white blouses, very short black mini skirts, fishnet stockings, black stilettos and frilly white aprons were the uniform of the day along with overly done make-up and hair-dos.  
  
At 11:00pm they left the hotel and went to the theatre. They got their tickets and with the other Rocky Horror aficionados they went in to see the show. When they eventually emerged they were both grinning like teenagers, drunk with the euphoria that went with the cult movie.Returning to their Hotel, they quickly changed and dropped off to dreamland like a pair of sailors adrift in the sea of tranquility. 


	4. From Quidditch to Karaoke

Severus Snape - Mater Chef  
  
by Barbi Bee  
  
A/n 1: the characters are not mine they are merely borrowed  
  
A/n 2: this story is in answer to a WIKTT challenge to have Severus Snape dressed in drag (women's clothing)  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Severus and Hermione spent the rest of their week in Exeter visiting different places of interest and helping out at a local homeless shelter. Hermione waited on tables and handed out parcels of clothing to those who needed them, while Severus worked in the kitchen making wholesome meals (which also tasted and looked good) on a very limited budget.  
  
Leaving Exeter they travelled by bus along the coast to Bournemouth.Once again booking into a medium-priced Motel, they spent their first day getting to know the area. They found out where the library and Museums were, as well as the local nightspots. The pair thinking that they might indulge themselves with a night out.  
  
On their second day in Bournemouth however, Severus decided to hire a motorcycle and take Hermione on a mystery tour. Not having spent much time in this part of the country Hermione had absolutely no idea where they were going. It wasn't until she saw a signpost saying 'Welcome to Wimborne Minster' that she knew where she was, why they were. however there was another matter entirely.  
  
When she asked Severus where they were going he refused to tell her, making signals to indicate that he couldn't hear her very well through the full-face helmet he was wearing. Even when they pulled into the carpark of the Leisure Centre, Hermione was still puzzled. Surely if Severus had wanted a workout they could have found a Gym closer to where they were staying.   
  
Parking the bike, they then removed their helmets and entered the Centre. Once inside Severus steered Hermione towards what appeared to be a storage room. It wasn't until they were through the door that she could see that it was in fact 'The Wimbourne Wasps Quidditch Museum'. Still unsure just why they were there she turned to Severus and said "Quidditch, Linda?"  
  
"My cousin Severus used to play for the Wasps in the late Seventies, it was during his rebellious stage apparently. From what I understand he was the second string Seeker for two years before moving up to the first string where he stayed for four years running."  
  
"You have got to be joking. Professor Severus Snape, Hogwarts resident vampire bat - Seeker for the Wasps? Harry will never believe that one."  
  
"Don't believe me? Check out the trophies and photographs, you may also want to check out the name on the back of that old uniform."  
  
"Bloody Hell!! S. Snape - Seeker. Guess I have to believe you now, don't I"  
  
"Most Definitely. While we're here, would you care to take in a match?"  
  
"Whose playing?"  
  
"I'll just find out." Severus then walked to the fireplace fitted snugly in the corner of the room, threw floo powder into it and called out "Wimborne Wasps Ticket Office."  
  
"How may I be of Assistance?" asked the disembodied face in the flames."  
  
"When is the next Wasps game and who are they playing, please?"  
  
"The next match starts at 1:00pm this afternoon against the Montrose Magpies. Do you require tickets?"  
  
"Primrose?"  
  
"What? Oh, um yes."  
  
"Two tickets and a portkey please."  
  
"That will be twenty galleons please"  
  
Severus placed the money in the container beside the fireplace. It dissappeared to be replaced seconds later by the tickets and portkey. Picking them up Severus put them in his handbag and asked Hermione if she would like to go to lunch before heading off to the game. Feeling that would be a good idea she agreed, and returning to the Motorbike they headed towards the centre of town.  
  
They dined at an Italian restaurant before shopping for a picnic meal they could take with them to the match. They bought a bread stick, an assortment of cheeses, cold meats and two bottles of low-alcohol wine to wash it all down with. Completing their purchases with a picnic basket and wool rug they returned to the Leisure Centre to use the portkey.  
  
The match having just started when they entered the stadium, they quietly found their seats and checked their programmes to see who was playing. Severus told Hermione that the Wasps were the team playing from left to right, wearing black and yellow stripes with a wasp on the front. Annoyed at his comment, Hermione said "I suppose that means those wearing black and white stripes with the magpies on, must be the Montrose players then?"  
  
"Bit obvious wasn't it? My apologies."  
  
"That's ok, but you know you really shouldn't wear horizontal stripes. They don't become you in the slightest."  
  
"What on earth are you..., 50 points from Gryffindor you little witch! Turn my clothes back immediately, I refuse to be seen in Magpie colours!"  
  
Hermione changed Severus' dress back to its original state and they settled down to watch the game. Being a more advanced version of the games she had watched at Hogwarts she asked Severus to help her understand the differences between the two levels of play. More than happy to oblige he spent the next few hours explaining the varying techniques the two teams used as well as the occasional foul caused by an illegal move.  
  
They had dinner around six o'clock when the score was Wasps 30 - Magpies 100. Having the better Keeper of the two teams it seemed likely that the Magpies were going to win but 10 minutes into the 8th hour of the match, the Wasps seeker, performing what at first glance appeared to be a Wronskei Feint, caught the snitch during a spectacular dive. This move ended the game on a score of Wasps 210 - Magpies 200. The game over Hermione and Severus left the stadium with the other fans. Using the return portkey they returned to Wimborne and from there, made their way back to Bournemouth.  
  
The Quidditch match was the highlight of the pair's stay in Bournemouth and after only a few days they decided to move on to Southhampton, their last stop before heading to London. Here, instead of staying in a hotel or motel, they decided to rent a tourist flat. The one they found was reasonably priced as it was near the end of the season and also centrally located.  
  
Hiring a couple of pushbikes to more easily get around town, they investigated their surroundings. Noticing a Karaoke bar down the road from their flat, Hermione decided to check the place out. With tasteful decor, it was a well appointed establishment with a reputation for good food, strong liquor and some pretty good music. Except of course, for amateur night when the musid ranged from very good to very bad. With a prize purse of   
  
£150 Hermione put her name down for the next talent show due to be held in two days time. Checking out the music available she decided to go with 'Pink Floyd's - Another Brick in the Wall'  
  
The night of the Talent Quest, Hermione literally had to drag Severus out the door - having first done his hair and make-up and practically dressed him from the inside out. Hermione wore a short black mini-skirt, with a white blouse and her Hogwarts tie, finishing the ensemble with silk stockings,black stilettos and a noticeable blue garter she looked the epitome of a slutty schoolgirl which was precisely the look she was going for.   
  
When it was Hermiones turn on stage, she told the audience that she was dedicating the song to her old Chemistry professor Severus Snape. Then she began to sing   
  
We don't need no education  
  
We don't need no thought control  
  
No dark sarcasm in the classroom  
  
Teacher leave those kids alone  
  
Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone  
  
All in all you're just a-nother brick in the wall  
  
All in all you're just a-nother brick in the wall  
  
To be continued 


	5. Diagon Alley

Severus Snape - Master Chef  
  
by Barbi Bee  
  
A/n 1: the characters are not mine they are merely borrowed  
  
A/n 2: this story is in answer to a WIKTT challenge to have Severus Snape dressed in drag (women's clothing)  
  
A/n 3: Rules and basics of the challenge completed since chapter 3  
  
3) She must travel with him dressed in disguise/ drag through Diagon Alley.  
  
Optional:  
  
1) Albus knowing about the cross dressing.  
  
Extra Points:  
  
5) Hermione, drunk singing Karaoke.  
  
6) Another extra point if she is in a bar singing to Severus while he's in drag.  
  
11) The use of one or more of these lines:   
  
"So you want to see my wand?"   
  
A/n 4: to Imhilien - the idea of Sev on a motorbike came from 'Spirit Week at Hogwarts" by Lady Tiffany ( it can be found at FF.net)  
  
to Beccs - thanks  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Hermione sung 'Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd for the Karaoke talent night that she had signed up for. She dedicated it to Severus because she felt it rather suited the emotions of the students who had passed through the portal of his Potions classroom over the years. Hoping he would think the same, she glanced over to where he was sitting and was relieved to see a grin on his face. Hopping off the stage she joined him at the bar and brought them a round of drinks. Suggesting they grab a table, she pointed to one that was free and carried their drinks over.  
  
A half-dozen drinks later, the results came back and to Hermione's surprise she had won. She returned to the stage to collect her prize money and also to sing a reprise. She managed to finish the song (just) and then - being rather drunk, fell headfirst off the stage. Severus walked over, picked her up and dragged her outside. He then proceeded to take a small vial out of his handbag, which he then tipped down Hermione's throat. After waiting a few minutes he hailed a cab to take them back to their flat. By the time they arrived at their destination the sobriety potion had kicked in and Hermione was once again in possession of her senses.  
  
Hermione staggered out of the cab and up the stairs to the flat, leaving Severus to pay the fare. Making her way to the kitchen, she proceeded to brew a large pot of coffee in the hopes that it would finish the job the potion had begun. Noticing the slight cut above her left eye she resolved to ask Severus about it when he came up. Unfortunately, the sobriety potion also doubled as a delayed action sleeping potion and Hermione nodded off to sleep, slumped over the kitchen table.  
  
Severus entered the flat to find the coffee brewed and Hermione snoring. He turned the first one off and put the second to bed, removing her shoes and outer garments first. Making a note to purchase, or better yet brew, some more sobriety potion at the earliest possible convenience Severus followed Hermione's example and went to bed.  
  
The sun was nearly to its zenith when Hermione finally emerged from her room the next morning. Not entirely sure what happened the night before, as her memory was a little bit hazy, she hoped she would be able to get Severus to tell her without having to ask him directly. She forgot, however that he was a skilled Legilemens and as such was very hard to fool.  
  
Severus, knowing exactly what she wanted, decided to let her stew for a while. It wasn't until the early evening that he took pity on her and tyold her the truth - that she had gotten drunk and had fallen off the stage after accepting the prize for winning. Embarrassed by her actions ,yet grateful it wasn't a whole lot worse, she apologised to Severus and thanked him for his help - and the potion.  
  
With London being their next stop they decided to plan things out, as they needed to go to Diagon Alley but did not want to be recognised. As a result Hermione and Severus had their hair cut and dyed, Hermione wanted Severus to have a body wax as well but he refused. Later she would find herself shaving those parts of his body likely to be seen by the general populace as well as some that weren't.  
  
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They arrived in London on the 25th September and got rooms at 'The Leaky Cauldron'. Thankfully no-one recognised 'Primrose Greenhand' - a young woman with short black hair, as the bushy-haired know-it-all, Hermione Granger or her friend 'Linda Millbanks' - a woman in her early thirties whose red hair could rival the Weasleys, as the greasy-git Potions Master, Severus Snape. There was a tense moment their first night when Lucius Malfoy walked into the bar and made a bee-line for 'Linda'.  
  
"Excuse me, fair lady. Have we meet?"  
  
"I'm not sure, you remind me slightly of one of my father's schoolfriends so perhaps that is it. Were you by any chance in Hufflepuff?"  
  
"Certainly not! I was in Slytherin."  
  
"Oh in that case we definitely have never meet. I never associate with Slytherins, they are all so uncouth."  
  
Hearing that comment, Lucius turned away and left the bar in something of a huff. As soon as he left, Hermione turned to Severus with a look of awe on her face. Severus had not only insulted his own school house - one that he was Head of, he had also insulted Lucius Molfy,a very powerful man in the wizarding commumity. Now that she thought about it, Severus had also insulted himself, something that Hermione was very proud of as it takes a strong man to make fun of oneself.  
  
After a couple of days reacquainting themselves with Diagon Alley and confirming to themselves that their disguises worked, Hermione and Severus made their way to Gringott's Bank. With the aid of the Cheif Goblin they were able to - discreetly - remove money from their vaults, money they were going to need to make theri various purchases. First stop 'Eeylop's Owl Emporium', they had come to the decision that it was safer to buy an owl and sent it to Hogwarts than to send an Owl-Post owl.  
  
Purchasing a male tawny owl, they tied the prepared letter to its leg and told it to go to Professor Dumbledor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The letter told Professor Dumbledore of the events to date and their plans for the near future, How they planned to travel Muggle-Style north to Scotland and thence to Hogwarts itself. They also asked if the owl could be returned, as it could prove useful as a means of communication between the three.   
  
Following on from 'Eeylops' they went to 'Olivander's - Purveyors of fine wands since 382 BC'. At least Severus went there, Hermione, armed with a long list , went to the apothecaries to purchase potions and ingredients.  
  
At 'Ollivander's' Severus told the aged proprietor that she (Severus being disguised as Linda) needed a new wand as the old one was damaged in an accident. Mr Ollivander, being the man he was, saw through the disguise and rattled off the specifications of Severus' last three wands, then muttering to himself about how today's youth didn't know how to look after things properly went to find a new wand to replace the one lost.   
  
Eventually he determined upon one which was 12 Inches long, willow with a welsh red dragon heartstring as it's core. Severus tried the proffered wand and was pleasantly surpised at how well it worked and how good it felt in his grip. He paid Mr Ollivander the amount of 35 galleons, that being the price of the wand, and left the shop.  
  
Having arranged to meet Hermione at 'Florian Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour' he bought himself a triple-decker chocolate-fudge-raspberry-ripple ice-cream, double dipped in chocolate. It was one of Fortescue's new weight-loss varieties, guaranteed to make you lose at least two pound every time ( but only if your height-mass ratio was above a certain point). Hermione, not having been to 'Fortescue's for well over a year, had yet to discover this new wonder and was shocked to see Severus tucking into such a large confectionary delight.   
  
"Don't look so shocked, it's one of the new weight-loss flavours."  
  
"They have ice-creams to help you lose weight? Yeah, right."  
  
"They're guaranteed."  
  
"You're serious, aren't you?"  
  
"Deadly. Now do you want to see my wand, or don't you?"  
  
"Yes, please. But I think I'll order a little something first."  
  
She ordered a triple-decker hokey-pokey-banana-passionfruit single dipped cone, with sprinkles and nuts before checking out Severus' new wand. Knowing Mr Ollivander's skill at the choosing wands for his clientele she wasn't in the least surprised to know that Severus' wand had been his first choice.   
  
An hour later Severus and Hermione, both feeling extremely full and satisfied returned to 'The Leaky Cauldron' to spend a quiet afternoon asleep in their beds. Placing wake-up calls with Tom, the barman, so as not to miss the dinner hour they made their way upstairs to their rooms. 


End file.
